There are things I want to write about. Such as:
- My trip to the refugee center here, where I met political/war refugees from Palestine, Burma, Afghanistan, Syria and Yemen. It was a humbling experience and I won’t do justice to the article if I don’t put my heart and soul into it.
- Love – 2012 version. All the lessons I learned about love this year.
- Finance – yeap. You read it right. Me-the-one-who-reads-fluffy-pink-chic-lits wants to write about Finance. Whoa. Buang tebiat seh.
- Detox – Hah! You must be thinking the ‘drink 2 litres of water with some lemon juice then do yoga and eat nothing but muesli’ kind right? Wrong.
BUT. I didn’t get to write on any of those topics above. Instead, I have been bumming around doing practically err.. nothing? This December, I threw discipline and mild OCD out the window (IF I actually do have mild OCD like the husband claimed I do– But I disagree, and he didn’t study Psychology, I did). I don’t know why — but this December I feel very ‘lemau‘. More of like burnt out kind of ‘lemau‘ and simply feel like I want to spend the entire month just wasted, without routines, discipline, deadlines, responsibilities etc. A month without care. Like a self-imposed hippie month.
But..but..but.. I can’t do it 100%. 30 % of it is enough to make me restless and guilt is always haunting me. These are what I have been doing (since I came back from Singapore and my Thailand work trip was cancelled due to the sheer bad(or good, it’s relative) luck of losing my passport 3 hours before the flight:
1. Stocked up my fridge with chocolates. Lots of it.
2. Went to the Big Bad Wolf sale and stocked up on chic lits. TWICE. Total count: 12
3. Made THAT decision NOT to sit for my year end Aikido exam, which means I take the entire month off from DAILY training. If I had gone ahead and signed on to take the exams in the first week of January 2013, I would be training probably up to 6 days a week, just like what my husband is doing right now. True, I would move a grade higher but right now, I am overcome by this overwhelming feeling of ‘tak kuasa’.
4. I wake up for fajr, and then after prayers, I sleep again (bad! rezeki lari tau). Then I wake up to make breakfast for the husband and sometimes his lunch box. Then he goes to work while I take my piles of chic lit out and read at random any of those pink fluffy books, with a bowl of chocs and a mug of hot tea, music from the iPad and I am off to fluff land where things are all pink and sweet and happy endings.
5. OR I watch Adam dan Hawa online. OH GAWD! Oh yes baby… I have joined the cult of this drama serial. Eh by the way, Aaron Aziz is the ultimate Mat Bedok Interchange icon from my generation, ok? And for that, it spiced up the entire series, I tell you. Hail to the Mat Bedoks!!! You’d never know when they actually make it good in this world, yo. I already know a Mat Gitar Bawah Block who turned out to be a decent musician in London! Back then, girls of our school found it demeaning to date these Mat Bedoks. We set our eyes on those Victorians or Rafflesians, ACSians and St Josephians. But NOW I can tell you, elite school boys are sooo overrated lah please. They are not even halfway as interesting as those neighborhood school boys when they are adults. True story! (Oh shucks I did it again. Digress. How did Adam and Hawa series turned into the discussion on Singapore men? Oh ya, Aaron Aziz.).
6. I entered the cave of Denial. Actually I have writing deadlines to meet and editing deadlines looming. On top of that I have a project paper to write and some schedules to plan. But I have not touched any work related things. The thought of it all made me want to puke. I constantly have headaches and the moment I am in the comfort of my couch with my chocs and chic lits, the headaches simply poof! Disappeared like magic.
2012 had been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Maybe I am suffering from a burn out? Is that it?
*Back to my chic lits.