Renung diri

My whole family here ( chey, like real. Padahal 3 orang aje! hehe) has been doing lots and lots of self-reflections and self-analysis this week. Since we came back from our holiday in Perak, a lot of things have happened that forced us to look into ourselves and take stock.

Of the 3 of us, my MIL, who had the most life experience and in Malay, we say “Dah banyak makan garam” is the one to be the most level headed about it, making the decisions almost detached of any emotions, although her contributions and efforts in this project of ours was tremendous. My husband, the spiritual one on the other hand went into his ‘abang-abang sufi’ mode, writing down all his faults and failures into the project, visited and revisited his character weaknesses and the whole shebangs of ” I could have done better mode”. He couldn’t make a decision and sat on the fence. Myself, the psychology-trained closet nerd. The whole thing became something to be dissected and studied and gave reasons for and for finding out the root of the problems. I made the decision short and swift. Just like my mother-in-law. But unlike her, it was emotionally heavy for me.

Through the whole decision making process, all the words of my parents and teachers came to me, helping me survive this period less painfully and more rationally.

Mak always said: Nak buat apa-apa, buat betul-betul.. (when you want to do something, do it right)

Bapak always said: Be like me. My life is an open book. What I say here, is what I say everywhere else and always speak the truth. When you have nothing to hide and you have been truthful and you take ownership of everything that you do and are responsible for it, you have nothing to fear when things go wrong.— The best advice ever. I take this seriously, hence that explains why our meetings were recorded, which made the subject of the meeting super duper furious, but I maintained that it is for everyone’s back to be covered. And also because we have absolutely nothing to hide and we take ownership for each and every one of our actions. So with nothing to hide and nothing to fear, there is no issue for us that our meetings are recorded.

Mrs Minjoot, my sec 3 and 4 form teacher: Never leave any stones unturned in any efforts that we do so that in the worse case scenario when things go wrong, you have taken every bit of the effort to ensure that everything should by right fall into place, except the things you cannot control. – Alhamdulillah. I can safely say I have done this. Because from the start of this project I documented every single thing of my input and output to the minutest T. For record purposes. I am after all psychology-trained and we were trained to do this. Reading all the entries from the start of the program, I know I have left no stones unturned.

Ron Kaufmann: He trained teachers in service in MOE when I was still teaching, on the importance of good service. His mantra is when providing the service, ALWAYS GO THE EXTRA MILE. Only then you can be successful. – Done. The whole family went beyond the extra mile.

Shaykh Abdel Hakim Murad: Just last few weeks he gave us a lecture. He had said, “Every believer should become an artist, from where only the most beautiful things come out from.” We are not artist. We are not saints. We fall short into our angers and lack of patience. But I know I have tried…and my husband too. He tried damn hard, although patience is not exactly his and his mother’s forte.

Imam Afroz Ali: Always, always look into yourself first, before blaming others on why things don’t work. – We did this and still doing in and will keep doing it, even after the matters have settled.

This Friday, as I sit and prepare for the final Halaqah session for this semester, I look back at the week and reflected. Could we have done better? Of course we could.

Have we done our best? Yes. We have.

Did we make the wrong decision? Only one fence sitter out of 3 and that makes 3 pro decision out of 4. So 3 very decisive people versus one ‘I am open to give it another try’ fence sitter. That one got voted out of course. It was a diplomatic thing. Fair and square.

Hence in conclusion, I think my prayers at Makkah are definitely answered. I asked for strength and He gave me the situation to be strong. I asked for patience and He gave me tests and situations which really tested on my patience. I asked for wisdom and He gave me an unforgettable experience to learn from. I asked for love and He gave me the lessons on love on HOW love, in any form should be handled.

Alhamdulillah. Now boleh makan chocolate amek gambar pakai camera baru!

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